Living in two worlds

As time moves along and my Peace Corps service comes closer and closer to an end, it's natural to focus on life after the rice field. Quite honestly, much of my days right now are spent studying for the GRE and working on grad school applications. These are very valid and necessary things to work on, but they take me away from village life both physically and mentally. Physically in the sense that I may be at my house, but I can stay very busy within my house and I'm not out and about as much. I find myself not hanging out with Grandma Next Door quite as often and instead staying inside and reviewing vocab and practicing math problems. And with so much of my daily activities centering around the future, my mind easily wanders off to picturing my apartment in New York and hanging out with friends at my favorite places around the city. I'm physically living in the village, but emotionally and mentally I'm more and more back in the States.

It doesn't help matters that my main communication with Peace Corps staff now focuses on our Close of Service Conference and the start of departure logistics. Similarly, people in my village are realizing that it's nearing time for me to go home and it's a frequent topic of conversation. Many people ask "How many more months?" and "Do you miss home a lot?" Just as I am processing my departure from the rice field, so are they. For almost 2 years I have been a fixture and part of this community, despite sometimes feeling like an outsider, and my friends and neighbors are realizing as well that my time here is coming to a close.

I still have about 5 months remaining here, which is still enough time that I can't quite mentally check out yet, but I will admit it's a struggle. It's strange, but I find myself getting easily frustrated with aspects of life here that used to not bother me as much. I assumed the longer I was here, the more integrated I would be. In some ways this is true, but I find myself complaining about the little things like the incessant barking of dogs at night, the annoyances of all of the creatures who live in my house, the kids who follow me when I go for runs. My patience level is being tested, where as 6 months ago, I felt much more balanced than I do now. I'm experiencing a strange and unexpected change in feelings and perspective. I assume that once I'm much closer to leaving, my outlook will once again change and I will start to appreciate and fully want to take in the last days and months of life in the rice field.

I don't mean to sound negative, life is still going strong in the village. It's just a strange feeling of living in two very different worlds at the same time. It's difficult to find a balance that allows me to focus on the future, while still appreciating the village in the ways that I used to. Through all of the ups and downs, I'm still amazed that this experience keeps me on my toes.