I'm often asked by friends in the States what my work schedule is like. I almost have to laugh because that doesn't really exist in my life right now. Each day and each week are completely different. The SAO is my home base, my technical place of employment in the village. However, no community projects are going to happen inside an office, so the idea is for me to be out and about. I have to be honest, when I first got here, I was much better about putting myself out there, biking around in the heat, and trying to meet as many people and groups as I could. That's definitely tapered off, although my involvement with the pre-school is more involved now.
Regardless, I should at least make a point to stop by the SAO a couple of times a week, just to keep the relationship going. Some volunteers go often because there's internet and AC. However, I have faster internet at my house and a working computer, unlike the office. And shockingly, they don't always turn on the AC so it's never very cool there either. This all means, I don't like to go very often and it takes a certain level of willpower and pep talk to get myself there.
The staff are all very friendly and gracious and I do appreciate those relationships I have there. However, the idea of putting on long black pants and a polo shirt and biking in the heat to an office where I don't officially have any tasks is a hard mental hurdle most days. However, this weird sense of guilt takes over my little world if I don't go because I feel like I'm letting them down or should be doing something. I can't actually explain it, but being a PCV involves a lot of unnecessary guilt. This past Tuesday, the guilt reached a point I decided to go for an hour. I biked myself over there, did 3 crossword puzzles, and went home. Ridiculous.
Today I gave myself a pep talk and convinced myself that today would be a better day at the office and it was, sort of. I was talking to the Balat (head office manager) about 2 potential projects. In the middle of discussing the budget for the pre-school cafeteria, he said something I didn't understand. He continued with it so I brought out my Thai-English dictionary. He pointed in the dictionary and then touched my cheeks. Acne. Part of me wanted to laugh and part of me wanted to scream. He actually felt the need to touch my face and then tell me I have acne. (Side note: It's actually not acne, I swear! It's heat rash. Believe me this kind of heat does funny things to your skin.) Regardless, in the middle of a project meeting, my acne was apparently a topic of discussion on the agenda. Today reminded me of the time that one woman marched over to me and looked at the waste band of my newly purchased black pants and told the entire office that I wear a size XL. That's right, I'm a size XL in Thailand and now the whole office knows it.
Sometimes I forget that situations like that are not normal and in fact, difficult to deal with. Perhaps my dislike of going to the SAO is more legitimate than I think. Despite the fact that I've been living in Thailand for well over a year, it's okay that the cultural differences are sometimes too much to take. Things like this don't happen that often, but they happen often enough that maybe it's okay for me to not want to bike in the heat to have my supposed acne pointed out in front of an office full of people. Sigh.
No comments:
Post a Comment